she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
