Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
