This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
