Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
