You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
