but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
