He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
