i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
