i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
