That's when you crack a 10am beer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
