Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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