he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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