All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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