to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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