That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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