She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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