What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
