Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Every concussion has its silver lining
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
