My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
