I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
