escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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