Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
