i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
