I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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