Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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