I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
