thus making me awesome and them whores
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
