I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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