I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
