Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
