I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
