it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
