problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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