Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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