The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My vagina just clenched in fear
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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