i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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