I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
