the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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