Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
