If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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