Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
