Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
