you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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