Im at strip club and am horny
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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