if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
