Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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