good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
