Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
