i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
