Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
