i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
