You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dick very happy bro
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
