yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
